Another Victory
I’ve been waiting to write this for quite sometime, and honestly, I’m not sure if this is the correct time for me to do so. Truth be told, I don’t think there will ever be a “correct” time. So, instead of waiting for a time that may never come, let’s just take this leap together, and I’ll just deal with the repercussions accordingly.
The first time I remember experiencing these feelings was around the fourth or fifth grade. It was time for recess after lunch, and while all my friends went to play in the playground, I sat with the teacher who was on duty.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I feel sad, but I don’t know why,” I sheepishly responded.
“Are you depressed?”
I didn’t know what that meant at the time, but it didn’t take long for me to become very familiar with that term and that feeling. Over the years, my episodes of depression became more frequent, and more severe.
Fast-forward to 2017
I wasn’t scared, worried, or intimidated at first. I’ve experienced this battle before, and I’ve always managed to win; it was just a matter of time. I was so confident that I would make it through with little or no effect on my life. I’ve never been more wrong.
The latter half of 2017 was a complete blur. It was a homogeneous mess of brokenness and sorrow. Unfortunately, the damage had been done by the time I realized that I desperately needed help.
I won’t go into the details of how my path changed so drastically from December 2017 to January 2018, but I had never experienced a scarier or harder time in my life. While I’d like to say that I’ve made it through it, the battle isn’t over yet.
As I sought help for my depression and anxiety, I developed a passion and desire to help others through the same thing. I couldn’t wait to “get better” and tell people how they could do the same.
Here I am today, and unfortunately, I still don’t know when or if I will “get better.” I realized that, there might never be the “correct” time to help or fight for others suffering from similar conditions.
After a productive day of work, and a visit to my favorite coffee shop (Foxtrot Coffee), I returned to my apartment and said to myself “I won the battle today. Today was another victory.”
There’s an amazing moment in the movie Cool Hand Luke, where Paul Newman’s character gets in a fight with the biggest and baddest inmate. He didn’t stand a chance in this fight. There was no way that you could say that he “won” the fight.
But he didn’t ever give up. It wasn’t about landing the punches or taking his opponent out. He was just determined to get back up on his feet, and take whatever punishment was coming his way.
This was the turning point for Newman’s character in the film. He garnered the respect of his fellow inmates and those who saw him as inferior. His relentlessness was his victory.
As I continue my war with my brain and my chemistry, I’m trying my best to see each day and each moment as its own battle to win. While I might not know when the war will end, every time I make it back to my bed, or every time I wake from my sleep, I know that I gained another victory.
Some days have been absolutely amazing. I can’t express how much I enjoy my new job and the people that I work with. At the same time, I miss where I was for the past seven years of my life. The weight of the sorrow that I bare at times is hard to deal with, but even if I’m beaten to a pulp, I get up again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
Until my heart stops, I will never give up on getting up, and I’ll continue to stack victory upon victory.
Whatever it is that you are dealing with, I hope you can do the same, and take joy in knowing that every breath you take is another victory.
Forever and Always Yours,
Nico Cuevas
The Next Chapter
2017 has been both the best and the worst year of my life. It's actually quite overwhelming for me to look back and see what all occurred. I experienced blessings that I can't put a value on, and losses that brought me to the lowest of lows. I will take time to reflect on those things, as well as the things that entertained me the most in 2017, but this first entry to Nicosaysthings.com, isn't about looking back. It's about looking forward.
What's Next for Me?
If you happen to know me on a personal level, you know that my employment status met a pretty drastic change recently. The good news is that not only have I landed on my feet, but I am really looking forward to my new opportunity with Smart Marketing. I'm excited to become a part of that team and bring my knowledge and know-how to the table.
So for my friends in Poplar Bluff, I want you to know, that you aren't losing me at this point. I look forward in continuing to build our relationships and enjoy life together in 2018!
What's Next for Us?
My new position at Smart Marketing isn't the only thing that I have in the works. If you're reading this right now, that means you are already taking part in my master plan [insert maniacal laugh].
NicoSaysThings.com is my blog. My hope is that this will act as my primary platform for my voice to be heard. I'll talk about faith, life, pop culture, and anything I really want to. I hope that those who can relate to my life experiences or interests can feel like they're not alone as well.
I've always enjoyed sharing life with others, and this is the best way I can think of doing that on a larger scale. I will (hopefully) also be using other platforms such as YouTube and podcasts to share my thoughts, ideas, and life with you.
As I've told people over the past few weeks, I have never been more proud of my past, and I have never been more hopeful for the future.
I also must say that I am so thankful for every opportunity given to me by First United Methodist Church in Poplar Bluff, as well as Fox Radio Network. I have no anger or bitterness in my heart. All I have is love and gratitude. Who I am now, and who I will become wouldn't have been possible without this last chapter. As I turn the page to the next chapter, I'll remember the previous one fondly.
Yours Forever and Always,
Nico Cuevas